Last night as I lied down on my bed I looked over at my study table and envisioned in my mind’s eye an image of me sitting down comfortably and fiddling with my notebook in complete silence. Except it wasn’t completely silent because you were on my phone screen, propped up on my makeshift phone stand. There was an atmosphere of comfort between the two of us as we did our own things, casually looking up to catch glances of each other and smiling. Sometimes, we would speak up when we had something to share with the other: a funny tweet, a video that we had found on the internet, a news article…the list goes on and on. I think that is one of the activities I will miss the most. Without your loving gaze and small talk, I feel terribly alone as I type away tonight.
Today as I hear the noise I so terribly want to distract myself from going on outside, I think about how you are the first person I would have gone to if I needed comfort. There seems to be a running theme of comfort here, huh?
Fuck, I am crying again.
Alright, I’m good now. I’m listening to the last playlist you recommended to me to draw out the last remnants of your warm disposition. Once I wear this playlist out, I’m afraid that I will never feel your warmth again.
I hope I can go to sleep tonight without another breakdown.
I love you so bad.
I’ll redirect my attention to something else now.